When you put up the front

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Life is hard and it makes us even more hardened so that we forget to feel because it hurts.  No one I know likes to hurt, regardless of the reason for the hurt.  It’s difficult to ask for help in those situations, too, so we move on…getting through each day, secretly crying everything away.  We cannot think through life….we have to feel it.  We have to allow ourselves to feel it.  We have to be willing to stop and think about others first and listen to what they tell us with the words they use and the words that are never spoken.  Giving in and allowing those feelings to come to the surface are not bad things and sometimes, we even let others see them even when we don’t want them to see our weakness.  But it is not a weakness…it is us being real.  I put up the front for far too many years and I probably wear more of my emotions on my sleeve than I ever have and should.  This week, I had a conversation with a friend who I had not spoken to in some time and although it was nice to see her, I also realized that she is in a different place now, with our paths possibly crossing in our futures as they will.  For a brief moment, I let my guard down and as quickly as it came down, I picked it back up and covered it all up.  And then we moved on.  We said our “take care”s and “have a great day”, but that was it.  Why do we put up the front?  Some of us have spent a lifetime building up a wall so tall that others want to be there to knock it down and get frustrated and quit trying because I wouldn’t let them.  Believe it or not, that tells me something about you, too.  That you quit on me.  That it was easier to stop trying than it was to keep trying.   I mean, why spend all of this time and effort and trying to tear down something that just won’t fall?  Because at sometime, somewhere, when you least expect it, the front will come down.  It does for all of us and sometimes what triggers it is not what we expect would trigger it.  Sometimes, a song makes you remember about times gone by or you see something that takes you back to a memory from yesterday.  We all get by through the smiles and daily grind to get us through to the next day, knowing that the front is usually up in someway, shape, or form.  But we all know that even in the silence we only find in our hearts do we finally allow the front to come down.

Michelle Homme 2012 ©

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