I had high expectations of myself and quite often, the chasing of perfection was a goal.
Whether it be in my academic studies or in my athletic achievements, being more was always encouraged. If not expected.
At times, the internal pressure was extreme. Couple that with the pressure placed upon me through the words and actions of others, I quickly learned that less than perfect was not really an option.
This carried over into my young adult life and well into my 30’s.
I believed that if I could control everything, then everything would be perfect. The superpower of changing reality always seemed just out of reach, but it was always within sight.
Motherhood Changes Me
As a young mom with three rambunctious sons under the age of 6 (including a newborn and a 1 year old), I quickly learned that perfection would not become a part of my “playbook.”
Running this way and that way quickly reminded me that not only was my life no longer my own, but that I couldn’t control as much as I once believed.
The parenting needed for one son was irrelevant for another son.
My desire to raise independent children backfired many times as they quickly learned to “use their words.”
Other times, physical altercations brewed and no amount of my words could control the situation.
As I grew in my personal journey, I came to an incredible realization: that I have very little control of anything.
I learned that I control two things and even those two things may not be perfect all the time:
- My mindset. I choose what to think, how to think, when to think, and who to think about.
- My actions. I choose what I do and don’t do. I choose what I say and what I don’t say.
Even with the best of intentions, I may still think about something I shouldn’t and I may say the wrong thing.
That awakening lead to me choosing to be real instead of being perfect.
After years of trying to beat life at its own game, I finally surrendered to being honest with myself.
No more chasing something that I would never catch. No more pretending to be something I am not and could never be. No more hiding the ugly chapters of life and instead, appreciating them for all they taught me.
Life is hard enough without the pressure (regardless of where it comes from or by whom imposes it) to be perfect.
No matter who we are, life is better when we embrace the beauty found in the imperfect moments.
The ones we never could have imagined, the ones that break our hearts, the ones that slap us hard across the face.
Because there is nothing more perfect than living an authentic life.
Michelle A. Homme
Copyrighted by Constant Change, LLC 2023