There are times when we forget, but not on purpose, what really matters most. Sometimes, our reminders come at us like a head-on crash and others are more subtle. Coincidentally enough, I had started this post some time ago and never finished it. Now, it calls to be finished because of situations that have changed recently and I am unsure of what to do next. My head tells me one thing while my heart holds onto another. For sometime now, I had made a choice that broke my heart but made sense to my head. My heart had healed — although never quite the same — and I was carrying on with life, as if the brokeness never existed. Every once in a while, my heart would tear open just a little to remind me of the loss I felt but I kept it hidden from everyone else. However, I would never truly be able to forget. I pretended that picking up the pieces of my heart as they fell in the shape of tear drops was how I needed to get through it. Walls were quickly rebuilt. No one was getting in again — not like that. As much as I wanted something to happen, I was not in control of what happened next. I still am not. But things are different once again and I am hesitant of following my heart. What do you care most about? What are you afraid of losing? What has it cost you and was it worth it? Have you done EVERYTHING — I mean, EVERYTHING — to try to make it better? Chances are we all have some regrets somewhere in our lives because we have forgotten what really matters most. We take things and people for granted expecting more from them than what we give them. I am afraid of being wrong, whatever choice I make — whether it is with my head or my heart. It can be scary when you put yourself out there, and even when you do that and hope for a reaction, you find out what to do next. It may not be easy, but only time will tell if it is meant to be. You will learn some thing, even if it is not what you want to learn. Even when you find yourself picking up the pieces of your heart, too. Are you paying attention to what you can lose? Can you live with yourself if you do NOTHING to change what you don’t want? Guilt will eat at you until you have nothing left if you let it. You have to try — you have to believe in that one glimmer of hope that is barely visible, but no one can do it for you. You have to do ANYTHING but what you have been doing if you want it to be different. No regrets. Life sneaks up on us and gives us a whack upside the head now and again to get our attention and I hope I have yours. Not because I wanted it this way, but because this is where we are. But ultimately, it comes down to the questions that only YOU can answer — what really matters most to you and what are you going to do about it?
Michelle Homme 2013 ©
