We all have times when we fall…we fall down…we fall short…we fall, thinking we will never be able to get back up. When decisions and choices we make with the greatest of intentions and make the most sense come back to bite you and then you suffer the after burn caused by the one thing we have no control over…someone else’s emotions. We cannot help to feel what we feel. Even if we tried, we cannot even think through it so that it becomes clear and the only way we can get through it is to feel it. Things blow up in our faces, many times without warning where choices are almost automatic. What would you do if you needed help in getting through a particularly difficult situation and were not sure where to turn? When you find yourself literally wanting to get off the proverbial merry-go-round that is doing nothing but keeping you where you are and making you nauseous? Would you ask for help? What about if you are not someone that asks for help, at what point do you put your pride down and ask? Life is not all about fun and games, but life can be hard and scary and you need to know that we all have been here now and again. There are even moments when you wish you could go back and change something just because you know what happens next and it isn’t what you wanted. You think that if you go back far enough, then somehow you can predetermine your destiny and change what you now see…what you now experience…what you now feel. I know that my hardest moments are not when I am in the fire, it is after when I sit and wonder what I could have/should have done differently and the guilt I feel is worse. I don’t like to make mistakes and although my yearning for perfection is never far from sight, when I fall, I fall hard and I am my own worst enemy in that regard. I (over) apologize when I have already been forgiven, but forgiving myself does not come so easily. 70X7 is a big number but it is said that that his how many times it will take us to forgive ourselves for a wrongdoing. Reassurance from loved ones makes us feel better, but if the shoe were on the other foot, they would be doing the same thing. This message is meant to serve as a reminder for ALL of us that we all have these kinds of things that happen to us and as much as we would like to be in control of everything, we just can’t. Time will allow us to get back to normal and then we can move on after we pick ourselves up after we fall. But know this, we all have people who are there for us when these times happen. Backfires are meant to alert us, bring attention, and then they are over. Move on.
Michelle Homme 2012 ©