Yes, I said it. It comes to every one of us and never comes when it is wanted. Yet, its power over us makes us do dumb things. Our only hope is that we can stop what we want to stop. How do we accept when others are selfish? Do we like it? Do we tell them that we don’t like it? Even if we don’t say the words, “You are being selfish”, do we tell them in other ways? It is hard to not wonder why your feelings and every day activities don’t seem to matter. We all have known someone who seems to start every conversation with, “I” and never asks you how you are and what is going on with you. I know I have been selfish lately in wanting a particular relationship to be different from what it is today. I have had expectations that have been followed by disappointment. I need to let go of that because otherwise it just wears me down and wears me out. I know I am being selfish because I am only thinking about what I want for me and am not taking into consideration how this other person feels. If really asked to decide between my feelings and what is best for this other person, then ultimately I want that person to be happy. Hands down. I know this person is in a new place and still trying to figure out some things also. I have wondered if staying away is the answer, meaning I am less of a distraction and that person can take care of what needs to be done. Maybe I am dumb for thinking or feeling this way and maybe no one else that is close to this person has said anything at all about the changes they have seen. I am sorry for being selfish and not putting this person first, but it is hard sometimes. When you feel like you do more for them than is being done for you? When you are not even how long it will go on? Is it wrong to want something for me? I haven’t focused on me or anything I want for a long time, so maybe that is why it feels uncomfortable to me. No one likes to acknowledge that they are being selfish and when we acknowledge it for ourselves, we have to allow that forgiveness to follow. But that is hard, too. Remember that we all get there and hopefully all find a way to leave it too. As long as we are not selfish all the time, we can move ahead.
Michelle Homme 2011 ©