Full life

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“In order for you to have a full life, you have to do what scares you.”  I heard this and was reminded of what is written in my life statement.  I had not lived a full life, until two years ago.  I had been living, but afraid every moment.  I was not one to take chances, let my heart lead me, or to even let people in.  All of those things absolutely TERRIFIED me!!  We all have fear, but we all don’t have courage.  But we all can.  When we are young, we have no fear and put our hands on the hot stove, not understanding that it is hot and we will get hurt.  We all learn what it feels like to have your heart break because of love lost.  We all know what disappointment feels like.  Therefore, we all know what it feels like to be hurt and that is why we fear.  We fear what we cannot control, which is everything except our attitude and effort.  I have to tell you that I have never been more afraid in my life than I have been in the last two years.  Why didn’t I learn this sooner?  Why was this “time” the right time for me to learn it to begin with?  Since nothing significant happened to get my attention, what would have happened if I had ignored what was being presented to me?  Because I was afraid of letting people in, I also kept people out.  I could not get hurt that way.  That makes sense, doesn’t it?  Life is full if you decide to give it a chance to let yourself live it.  It will be hard.  It will not make sense.  You will want to run.  You will want to give up.  We all will at one time or another.  We will want to quietly escape from reality, hoping that if we hide out long enough that life won’t realize we aren’t participating.  But then, what does that do?  We cheat everyone else out of the love we were meant to give.  We forgoes any elation and joy that we would experience with new adventures.  I know I have not always given my real me, said what I needed to say when it needed to be said, or loved as deeply as I can.  However, through all of the times I have been afraid and ready to run, sometimes for good, I have held strong because I am tired of running.  My M.O. from my past life is locked away in the vault I used to live in for all of those years.  Now, perhaps much to other people’s chagrin, I am doing exactly what scares me and therefore, I am living a full life.  Won’t you join me?

Michelle Homme 2012 ©

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