There are days when I forget why I am here and lose track of my mission. Most of the time, they are not consecutive days, but more like hours or minutes. Maybe they just feel like days as I have gotten off track and I stumble a little before I can right myself. I allowed myself to fall into old ways and was reminded of where I am and that it is not where I need to be. In so many words and actions, I wouldn’t surrender to what was in front of me at that very moment. I kept resisting, really believing that was I saw and felt had to be a lie. It just had to be, right? But what if I am wrong? What if what is in front of me, at this very moment, is genuine and true? The only reason not to believe that is because it is new. Nothing I have ever seen has shown me anything different. The unknown doesn’t always frighten me as much as my past can and I question and look for something that has no bearing on what the present shows me. I have to keep finding the courage and the strength, because it is difficult and going to be worth it. It has to be. I have to believe that and trust. There are so many things going on in my head right now, that I am sure that anyone around me must feel like they are on a roller coaster. Maybe they are holding onto the handrail for dear life because it makes them feel safe. I know what that is like. Or maybe they just put their hands up in the air and feel the wind and take it all – the excitement, the dips, the loops, and the climb because that is me. I have always believed that there are two things we can control = attitude and effort. I chose to have a negative attitude and therefore my effort was minimal. As much as I have to not resign to settle for the life before me and continue to look for better and more, some days are more of a struggle than others. We cannot be “chipper” all the time. Those that are closest to us will see the real us – even when we try to hide it. Or so I have been told. Are you in a rut? Are you stuck? SNAP OUT OF IT! In the movie, “Moonstruck” with Cher and Nicholas Cage, Nicholas’ character tells Cher’s character that he loves her. Her response? She slaps him across the face and says, “Snap out of it!” I needed that today. Although I did not get the slap, I got the message just the same. Don’t question…the choice is not mine to make…AaE…CLEAR.
Michelle Homme 2011 ©