The sanctuary of the shower

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It is about to get real.  Real quick.  I never used to look at the shower as a sanctuary but it is for me and maybe for some of you as well, if you would admit it too.  I will be the first to admit it…I have used the shower as a place to let go of tears that have welled up for far too long.  Before I know it, I have pressed my head against the hard, cold tiles of the walls, bracing myself as the water comforts me and also provides warmth.  The fluid from my eyes begin to run down my face, gently joining up with the water coming from the shower head, never knowing that it will slowly make its way down my body to the drain, where it will disappear.  Ever had those moments that seem to mysteriously creep up on you and then when you become completely vulnerable in the shower, you let your defenses down and then it begins?  Where a thought takes you back to a moment…and that moment resurrects feelings and shared words that stir emotions that you had once put aside?  When, for some reason, without planning, you break and you are curled up in a ball sitting on the shower floor, sobbing your heart away?  Yeah, this has happened to me too.  Why the shower?  Because we are alone and no one can see us when we cry.  It is easier to hide tears under drops of water, don’t you know?  So we stand in the rain of cleansing water and we are exposed and naked — with nothing but our imperfectness staring back at us through the shower door.  There are no walls in the shower.  Nothing can be hidden…not even extreme sadness or horrible grief.  And yet as vulnerable as we are, it feels safe.  It is where we truly bare our soul, to at least ourselves, and for a few minutes we are very real.  Not just pretend.  No covers to hide any shame or remorse.  Nothing but our soul and our body.  Both need to be replenished often so that rejuvenation can begin once more. It takes a lot for us to break and when we do, there is no safer place than the shower.  It is there that we sigh the heavy sigh that slows our heart rate and we listen to our breathing.  We place our hand against our chest to feel the beating of our heart that remind us that we have another day.  We just have to get through this moment…this moment when past moments are mere memories, current moments can change us forever, and future moments have yet to be created.   We need to take refuge from time to time and let the tears fall where they may…and it may just be in the shower, of all places.  Then, we can move on and fight another day.  “Fight Another Day” by Addison Road

Michelle A. Homme 2013 ©

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