How many of us like looking at ourselves in the mirror? Not me. I would gladly look at my insides in a mirror – I like what I see there. I have a giving heart and love deeply. I sacrifice so that others can receive. If I had to describe myself, I would say that I am athletic. In fact, most of the superlatives in high school described me as that – “most athletic”. I was also an intelligent girl so a couple of accolades came my way that labeled me as a “scholar athlete”. I was not the popular girl or the pretty girl. I might have been cute…like baby ducks are cute. I was told I was “pretty” this weekend, and I just agreed with the comment, but do not believe it. Even when she made me look at myself in the mirror, I did not necessarily like what I saw. Compliments bring attention and those kind that we find difficult to swallow fall especially into that category. Another time, she told me that she wanted me to feel “beautiful” and I never have felt that way, either. I did look good at my wedding some 22 years ago, though. But this has me thinking…do my insides match my outsides? I don’t think they do, but others may have another opinion. Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we feel like we can never measure up to expectations that are self-imposed? I am not competing against anyone, so that cannot be it. I know what I trust and feel and I know that regardless of what is on the outside, my inside are pretty darn good. Not quite ready to say the “pretty” or “beautiful” words yet, but I am ok with that. The reflection I see in the mirror is not what the eyes can see that makes a difference…it is what my heart sees that counts.
Michelle Homme 2011 ©