The price of being vulnerable

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Everything comes with a cost.  It doesn’t matter if we think it does or it doesn’t, but there is always a price to pay.  I started reading a book that is reminding me what it is like to be vulnerable and to live with no fear.  It is hard, that is for sure.  For too long, I lived behind walls that I created to keep me safe and since I have let them down, I am reminded of why I created them in the first place.  I can’t get hurt if I have surrounded myself with barricades and don’t allow others to see my emotions, whether good or bad.  Keeping the even keel is what I had done for a long time.  And then, slowly, I let my walls come down and began to trust more about those I had in my life.  In some cases, it took me a really long time and I had even prejudged previous actions taken by others to be those of the ones I  had before me.  Sound like someone you know?  Will you even admit it now?  Funny, how even admitting that we are vulnerable means we have to admit we are vulnerable.  Ironic, isn’t it?  Truthfully, though, vulnerability has come with a price that I did not realize I would pay.  When I shared my feelings, I lost friends.  Irreplaceable friends.  But would it have been better to be fake and hide what I truly felt?  Maybe.  But we will never know.  Sharing and being vulnerable can be scary.  What did that teach me?  Go back to keeping my walls up?  Don’t trust anyone ever again? Who wouldn’t?  Right?  Wrong.   Being vulnerable has also brought me many new friends and allowed me to realize that I am courageous when I bare my soul. Maybe I am just being a ding-dong, but maybe I’m not.   I just know what to expect when I let my soul live instead of being restricted. Taking a chance with my heart means that I can be denied love or I can receive love.  But I never know until I diminish the barrier between us.   I believe in Rule 22 –telling people how I feel about them because I might not get a chance to tell them later — like, saying “thank you” to people who are offering to help me, for example.  Even if they “know” that I appreciate their willingness to help me as I pursue my dream, my soul wants to tell them.    Is there something wrong with that? Why is my thanking someone or telling someone that I was thinking about them a bad thing?   Some people are not ready for others to be vulnerable, because it makes them feel uncomfortable and perhaps they are not ready to step over that hurdle themselves.  We have all paid the price of being vulnerable at one time or another.  We have all loved and lost.  We have all loved and gained.  If someone shares their emotions with you, remember that they trust you.  Think about the amount of courage it took to show that to you.  Not very many people ever see that side of me…ever.  It is a privilege that you have earned by being my friend.  So  I am not going to apologize for being real, being vulnerable, and being me.  I had the courage to be vulnerable am true to letting my heart guide me.  Telling you that I love you may surprise you, but I am going to say it anyway.  Thanking you and telling you that I am thinking about you may also come your way.  Most of you will tell yourselves that you can’t afford to be vulnerable… the price is much too high.  But “What If We Were Real” by Mandisa

Michelle A. Homme 2013 ©

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