Yesterday, my thoughts were that I was glad I finished the Corporate Cup and wasn’t last. Then, last night as I was doing my sit ups, the old Michelle started to creep in. I told my husband that I feel like I should have run better. I had said I would be happy with whatever my time was and really, I don’t care what the numbers are. Yet…the always striving to be better, striving for perfection, Michelle came to the surface. Everyone has been very supportive and I know that this old way of thinking is not right, but it has been a part of who I am for over 41 years. It is very hard to just make it go away. Even now, my thoughts are how many situps and push ups do I need to do a day so I don’t feel embarrassed like I did last week when I couldn’t do any. I know I push myself more than anyone ever could. For so long, I gave up on being better because it was so overwhelming and I probably didn’t know where to start. Now, I have started somewhere and it is taking me some place I never thought I would be. I am grateful everyday for this chance to be more than I ever dreamed and will use this opportunity to expand my horizons. In my heart, I know it is ok. The problem is that my brain keeps getting in the way. Story of my life.
Old habits are hard to break
Michelle Homme 2010 ©