When Life Doesn’t Give Us What We Want

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We don’t always get what we want

Life makes sure of that.

We can want and want.

But that doesn’t make it happen.

In fact, we are often disappointed.

No matter what it is, it affects us all the same.

Our reactions are very similar.

Somewhere along the road, we believed life would be fair too.

That if we worked really hard, we would be rewarded.

Or if we believed in something so big, it would never be denied to us.

However, we all know life doesn’t work that way.

We both know it too.

Looking back on moments…

In retrospect, I can recall a few moments in my life when I didn’t get what I wanted…

When you are 7 years old, you want your parents to stay married.

“But that college I applied to was my number one choice!”

“How can I be turned down for a house loan?”

And others like it, “dot” the experiences we have all had.

Life has shown us our wants carry no real significance.

That wanting it isn’t enough.

Reality has forced us to a place we don’t like.

A place where these things are sure to happen

  1. We withdraw

    Maybe without realizing it, we become sullen and introverted. Our smile is replaced with nothing. We close ourselves off from the people who care about us most and question everything we thought we knew about ourselves. We retrace our steps, trying to find our mistake. Never fully understanding that finding a mistake (should there be one) doesn’t change the outcome. Our indifference towards life is worth than being angry at it. We also begin the nasty turn towards negativity and despair. Quit simply, we give up.

  2.  We throw a temper tantrum

    Like a bronco with a saddle being placed on his back for the first time, we make a scene. We throw things — including spiteful words and actions we would never do. Our unintended targets are the people who love us most. It is not our intention to create an environment where people don’t want to be around us, but we get it. We either will run out of energy or realize just how foolish we look. Our angry is the first thing people see and the people that know you best remind you to “simmer down.”

  3. We wallow in self pity

    Letting others know we didn’t get what we wanted doesn’t make it better. Instead of waiting for someone else to say mean things about us, we beat them to the punch and proceed with insults and disbelief. We grumble under our breath, not wanting the attention, but also not realizing that it is coming. We are uncomfortable with these new circumstances and we don’t believe we deserve what is happening to us. Well, life isn’t fair, people.

Not all dreams come true

Our dreams carried with them a different reality.

One that included us being somewhere else…doing something else.

At that moment, we have one of two choices: we can continue to fight reality OR we can trust in the bigger plan we can’t see.

For some of you, that means relying on your faith.

Even forgoing the power you think you can control everything. (Side note: you can’t. I tried.)

It means letting go.

Of trusting in something else.

Maybe even believing in more than what we see.

Our attitude about our situation is the only choice we can make to make things better.

So we leave this place.

Finding our way

This is a process…something that takes time.

We will get there.

Maybe we get there with some kind words or a swift kick in the ass.

Whatever it takes to get back into what we have and reminding yourself to fight.

Accepting the way things are means that what we want isn’t what we need.

Lessons, even small ones, remind us that what we want isn’t always what we get.

Because what we get is about something we never even knew to want…

Michelle A. Homme 2017 ©


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