What holds you back: 10 Steps to Get You Where You Want To Be

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We can make whatever excuses we want.  But let’s be honest.  For once, let’s lay it all out on the table and see what happens.  It doesn’t mean it will be easy.  Necessary, but not easy.

Yesterday, I spent 30 minutes chatting with a woman who feels drab.  She has a dream of opening her own business and because she has been hit with one obstacle after another, she is losing momentum.  Fast.  Due to financial constraints, she is now working a job she doesn’t like and it is a constant reminder of what she isn’t doing, so that makes her even more depressed.

She is frazzled with the things that are going wrong and create more havoc in her life and doesn’t seem to have anything good happen.  She is feeling the pressure of trying to make it all work, pay her bills, look for answers, etc.

woman planning

And now she is at that moment…you know the one…the one where she just wants to give up.

I would.

Wouldn’t you?

She doesn’t see the point of putting herself through more agony and heartbreak, just to be the same place she is right now. Most of us would walk away.

But it is hard when a dream pulls at you and nudges you in directions where every place you turn seems to be another dead-end.

And as we chatted, I began to see the real reason for her hesitation.  It has nothing to do with the lack of chances she was getting or even the obstacles that seem to be delaying her journey.

Nope.  None of those things.

Instead, I saw someone who didn’t believe she deserved her dream. Her heart called her to it, yet her mind refused to believe its existence and purpose.  Deep down, I know it hurt her.  But she just doesn’t see a way out or even a way through.  He decided her value and uses that against her instead of allowing that to propel her through the dark times.

Can you relate?

Arch walkway

Sometimes, we have no idea of which way to turn.  It is like being lost in a fun house, with mirrors staring straight back you, with glass walls around other corners as the taste of hesitation overcomes our lack of moving in our feet.

And as I reminded her about everything that she brings to the this dream of hers, I pointed out the one thing that has never wavered in the year that I have known her…her belief in the dream.  So, I asked her, “how can you believe in the dream but not the dreamer?”  You can’t have one without the other.  A dreamer is not a a dreamer without a dream and a dream never lives in not for the dreamer.  They must be in sync.  That MUST wed one another.

Ans as much as she is her worst enemy, she is also her best ally.  She just needs to learn how not to hold herself back.  It is something we all do.  We put the skids on anything irrational and logic takes over.  Our reasonable mind wrestles with our heart full of imagination all the time.

No dream ever lived because it was logical.

So how do we fix this problem?  The one that haunts us all when it comes to moving forward or staying where we are?

We change how we look at things… we find the positive in everything, no matter how small.  We alter the way the mind thinks so it matches what the heart feels.

Wow…sounds easy.  But it isn’t, but once you figure out how, everything else is a piece of cake.

Lisa Scottline

In order for you to marry your thoughts and your heart, you have to change what prevents you from moving forward.

Here are a 10 tips on how you can get where you want to be:

  1. Write down where you want to be and read it out loud several times a day. Hearing it will silence the doubt running through your head.

  2. Find the positive of where you are, understanding that it is a stepping stone — not your final destination.

  3. Ask questions.  Lots of them.  And don’t be afraid of the answers.

  4. “No” means “not right now.”  Timing is everything.

  5. Never forgo the dream.  Do not belittle or deplete its value. It matters.

  6. Be around positive people. Negativity will trump everything good if you let it.

  7. Adapt your route.  Sometimes, the way you think you will get there never happens, but something better comes along.

  8. Be open to new ideas.  Perspective is everything and maybe someone else sees something a little differently.

  9. Never under-estimate your purpose.  It was granted to you for a reason.

  10. Take one step at a time.  Progress is not made in single bounds, but in putting one foot in front of another.

We all struggle with holding ourselves back.  We err on the side of caution instead of listening to that voice that no one else hears.  We forget the reason we even began — the very first thought that triggered every emotion we had as we seek that rush, disguised as adrenaline.  Fear and excitement use the same amount of emotion and are generated based on how we view a particular situation.  If we feel threatened, then fear will be the have the last say.  But if we are excited about taking that step, about finding what is on the other side, then excitement is where we want to be.

Can you feel the difference?  I can, just in typing those few words.

It is how we change the brain into firing the same neurotransmitters so we don’t stay still…we move.

Michelle A. Homme 2014 ©



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