The best time to do anything: when you are afraid

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kitty

Who is afraid of this kitty?

Not me!  You?

Maybe the kitty sees something that makes her a little apprehensive or is intrigued by something just outside the camera view.  We probably will never know.

This morning, I was having a conversation with a woman and merely shared that people who are intimidated by change and feel uncomfortable will usually stop and she agreed with me.  But she is a lot like me.  When she starts to feel afraid or nervous, somehow she knows that is the direction she should take.  There are always going to be those people out there who love the routine and the comfort of safe.  And that’s okay.  Understand that staying in one place never allows for growth, a different perspective, or encourages change.  And that’s okay too.

We usually understand differences when we remove ourselves from the situation and look at it in another frame of mind, regardless of how we get there or what that looks like.  For example, I held my previous job for almost 8 years and I had heard rumors that I had secured the longest tenure in that position…by over 7 years.  Some people might have come up with their own reasons about why that was the case, but I didn’t pay them any mind.  I loved what I did, who I worked with, and I was good at my job.  When I started in 2006, I could see myself being there forever.  And honestly, I thought I would be.

But then some of the rules of the job began to shift and I felt like it no longer served me the way it once did.  It was not immediate and honestly, the shift began with me before anything else professionally began to happen.  But I didn’t recognize it right away…even with I was still working and trying to figure out why this personal transformation scared me so much.

change everything

I tried to make it make sense.  I hid it from my husband.  The few friends I did share it with never seemed satisfied with the only explanations I could give to them.  And as this was happening, I began to pivot in a direction that took me away from my current job — the same one I thought I would do forever and the one I loved.  During the four and a half years where I was in this constant tug-of-war, I was afraid.  I had so many questions with very few (if any) answers.  Yet, there was no denying this change and the effect it was having on my heart and soul.  The comfort of doing something so radical and profound seemed to have no logical explanation.

Even now, I remember the day I made the decision to quit my job and follow my heart — my hands were shaking and my voiced cracked a bit as I handed my resignation to my boss.  Not realizing the date on the calendar, she originally thought it was an early “April Fool’s Joke” but quickly assessed that it was not by the look on my face.

As much as I was terrified of affecting our family lifestyle and budget, trying to figure out how to create (let alone run) a business, and still follow my heart was one of the scariest things I have ever done.  In some ways, it always will be.  Because in the same moment I handed in my resignation letter, I also felt this sense of peace and freedom that just doesn’t come every day.  It cemented the thought that I could not go back — I couldn’t tell her, “I was totally joking…can I have that back?” That single act would have haunted me for the rest of my life and showed up looking like a regret.  That was something I was not willing live with forever.

free girl-sunshine

 

But I have to tell you…some of the BEST decisions I have ever made are the ones that absolutely terrify me beyond a reasonable doubt.  The butterflies never disappear and the questions and doubts never seem to cease to exist.  Maybe that is where the real adventure begins — maybe that is a trigger to our senses and mind.

We all have had moments when we were forced to choose — when all the thoughts and words came to the surface and we actually had to do something — and every time, we were better for it.  Maybe with a little bit of hope and faith tucked into each pocket, we understood the bigger picture and needed to feel that adrenaline rush to remember what it was like to feel alive and not stale and stagnant.

[bctt tweet=”When you get the feeling of being afraid and you can feel your heart beating in your chest, breathe in and LEAP! “]

Michelle A. Homme 2015 ©

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