It has been some time.
I have not been here in well over six months.
For a variety of reasons.
One reason was never because I didn’t want to be here. Looking back, I think it was I didn’t know how to be here.
In some ways, I lost who I was — even when others did their best to take who I am way from me. Feeling stuck with no way out, I stood still. Coming up for air when I needed to and that’s about it. I struggled with fighting against what was suffocating me knowing it didn’t need to be that way.
How do you see a way out (let along get out) when the one option available feels like giving up?
I held on.
Then, I dug in.
If you know anything about me, it is in that moment when I set my mind to something or feel challenged (especially by others), I grab my shield and lean in. My warrior mindset takes over and my brain takes a back seat. Tenacity and scrappy become partners and lead the charge. Before you know it, courage, strength, and determination join in.
Being on the other side of that playing field is not the place for you to be. I will bring it.
As I look back, I see that the dust has settled. The other players have walked away, shown who they really are to others, or admitted defeat.
I win either way.
Life isn’t always fair.
We are given less-than desired circumstances and difficult moments to work through. We encounter negativity and toxic people in a variety of spaces. We are disappointed by the expectations we place on others and ourselves.
Yet, those moments — every single one of them — brought us here. They molded into who we see in the mirror today. They remind us of who we have always been — no matter who or what has crossed our path.
We remain victorious.
In some ways, this is all brand new. Yet, it all feels so familiar just the same.
Maybe it is because this is where it all began, and this is where I belong. Always.
Michelle A. Homme, 2023