Constantly changing my thinking

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I have been strong for so long and yesterday I was forced to let others help me. I hated every minute of it. And then some. The people who were with me know that I was nervous and my actions and words were probably results of not being in control of what was going on around me. I am better at giving my time, my energy, and focusing on others that I really struggle having attention directed at me, whether it is good or bad. Since I belive that “things are happening as they are meant to be”, then I have to believe that everything before me…at this moment…is there for a purpose. It is something that I have to go through and learn from and believe in. I must have faith in all that I know to be true and have to be willing to really give of myself in order for it to be different. For so many years, my thinking has been very one-sided – it has been keeping the walls up, to protect myself and being afraid. As much as I understand that I cannot go on living my life that way, it is hard to set aside so many years of doing it that way. I have to forgive those that take actions that might upset me, but they do it because they love me. I have to take to heart the consideration of others that might mean setting my own expectations away. I have not handled limitations on what I am capable of doing very well. I have always expected perfection and success at everything I did, regardless of what it was. I find myself in more situations recently where I need to stop (maybe slow down, because I never really stop)and think about what I want out of this life. I want to live a long time and give my heart to everyone and maybe, just maybe, allow you to see that your life can be different. I have said it so many times about “To get what you never had, you have to do something you never did.” I am constantly having to change my perspective on life, in spite of what comes my way. People come into and out of our lives, jobs change, decisions have consequences. We have to learn to adapt, accept, and move forward as each new day comes. Be grateful for all that you have been blessed with in your life. Look for chances to bloom – it is spring and you need to keep changing if you want to grow.

Michelle Homme 2011 ©

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