They are everywhere. I find myself knowing what needs to be done, but am still being the ever “cautious and play it safe” girl I have always been. Some situations require that, but most of the time it is just in my head. I need to continue to remind myself of everything that I want to change, but am afraid to. Afraid of disappointment, of failing, of getting hurt, and the list goes on. It makes me sad when I think about how I could be, but deep down I know I am not there yet, completely. Most days are better than others, but when given new challenges, old habits want to creep their way back in. I have to find ways to overcome and keep those old thoughts away so that I can continue to be the person I need/want to be. I have reminded others lately that I do not like any attention on me. A co-worker asked me earlier this week if I had been losing weight. I shrugged it off and said “maybe”. You and I both know the answer, but as much as I was grateful that she noticed, I also just wanted that conversation to be about anything else, but me. Even talking with my boss about my upcoming review makes me feel uncomfortable. Not because I expect any surprises or anything bad, but I don’t want the attention. Deep down…I know I need to let go of this fear and accept the challenges and need to quit trying to run from them. Doing so only leaves me back where I was, not further ahead, where I want to be. This is so hard, but I know will be worth it. Have an AWESOME day!
Michelle Homme 2010 ©