I have been an independent person since about 9th grade, when because of circumstances I decided to take care of everything myself. I have mentioned previously that I do not like to rely on other people because I viewed it as a sign of weakness. I even have my husband trained so well that he does not offer to help anymore – I have to ask for it. Last week, I was looking up something from the internet and saw a side article titled, “Top 5 reasons women don’t like to ask for help.” Needless to say, I read the article which went on to say that we do not like to feel that we are inadequate or helpless since we are used to taking care of it all. I call it the Wonder Woman syndrome – she needs a plane to fly (her one weakness) compared to Super Girl. We also do not like feeling like we are out of control or feel like we are imposing. Here is where it really hit me – I asked a longtime neighbor to see if she would mind picking up our mail and paper while we are out-of-town next week on a family vacation. I didn’t think twice about it – we have done it for each other for years. I have another friend who offered to run to the store and have perishables in my fridge for Christmas day dinner when we got home. She has been offering since the summer and I have shrugged her off and tried to make it work without her help. Why was it so easy for me to ask one friend to help me and so difficult to ask another? I think it is because this friend and I have not done those types of things for each other in the past, so it is new and unfamiliar. I was even glad when our flight on the 24th lands just after 8pm, thinking I would still have time to run to the store to get my last-minute items. No such luck – all the stores close early that night. That leaves me with one option – allow my friend to help me. She and I chatted about it last week at lunch and I told her that I don’t feel like I reciprocate as much as I should. Not that we would keep track of anything because I don’t believe in that either. Would I do the same for her? Without question. She tells me that I reciprocate more than I know (apparently I really don’t know, because I cannot think of anything I have done to help her). I was paying attention to the signs that were coming my way – make sure you do as well. Anyway, with a heavy sigh, a list with some cash, I am giving in and letting go. I am asking her for help. I don’t like it (would rather repel off a building), but will do it. Have to have milk and rolls Christmas Day. Enjoy your week.
Michelle Homme 2010 ©