When you just can’t win

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It isn’t even about winning, but I am not sure of the right word. Have you ever had those moments when you do what you think is right and then for whatever reason, the rules change so it doesn’t matter what you did in the first place? I know it sounds silly, but don’t you want to just throw your hands up and say, “Whatever.” It doesn’t matter what I say, what I do, what my intention was. It is not enough and I don’t know why. The rules keep changing. I remember having a boss who once told me that I would get promoted if I met these three criteria, which I did. Of course, when I brought that to her attention, she added a fourth. This went on for sometime, but got me very frustrated to where I could never win. It was never good enough. I am not one to toot my own horn, even when others have lined up to do it for me. It makes me think of trying to empty a boat with holes in it with a spoon. Maybe I never sink, but I never make any headway, either. These are the days when I question if it matters. Sometimes battles are not meant to be fought, but I will be the first one to tell you that if you are going to fight, make sure it is worth fighting for. Sometimes, people will tell me, “No” and I interpret that as “No, not right now.” It is a way for me to keep trying and find a way to make it work. I do not believe that I have all the answers and nor do I believe that my answers are right. But at least I am willing to ask the questions. Maybe we can find the answers together. It’s about being consistent and the rules remaining the same. “Frustration should create action, not make you want to give up.” I know things are always changing, but really? I must look like a car chasing my tail half the time. How many of you have ever felt like you are going around in circles, heading in no direction? And when you try to make sense of it all, something out of nowhere gets you. We will be ok, as long as we are in it together. Have a Wonderful Wednesday!

Michelle Homme 2011 ©

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