Showing your heart

I will admit that I had kept my heart hidden.

For years.

Maybe for a variety of reasons, but still…

I kept it to myself.

Afraid that someone would see me.

See the real me.

The same me I have always been.

The person at the heart and soul of what I think and the action I take.

But being vulnerable is scary.

For me it is.

There is a lot to lose

We tend to hide our hearts for a variety of reasons.

Fear of rejection.

Terrified of being noticed.

Scared to be that honest.

I never looked at sharing my heart had something to give me.

I viewed it as something I might lose…

Something I might never get back.

Something other might not hold gently.

So, I kept it hidden.

Except for my husband and children, most did not see the love I felt.

The love I wanted and needed to give.

So I stepped into the unknown

I found myself in moments I couldn’t escape.

Ones I wouldn’t trade for anything.

People and places and experiences had changed me.

I couldn’t always find the words to describe how I changed.

With all that I am, I shed my cloak of invisibility along with my iron armor.

And let go.

Surrendering to the outcome of uncertainty while praying for comfort all the same.

Treading into unfamiliar waters gave me chills.

I found in unnerving and frightening.

Yet freeing too.

No going back

Once here, I understood I couldn’t go back.

I also realized I wouldn’t know how to either.

With the shedding of everything I had held tight to protect me, I now could not only see my heart — my whole heart — but I could feel its presence too.

It lay exposed.

Raw.

Vulnerable.

Available for the taking.

Ready for the trampling and flinging against the wall.

But that didn’t happen.

Not once.

In fact, the reaction I received was just the opposite.

A new perspective

I patiently waited for the gut-wrenching ache that was sure to follow.

But everything I never saw coming happened instead.

People were drawn to my authenticity.

They complimented my transparency and appreciated my honesty.

In some way, they applauded my bravery and commended my strength.

Little did they know how absolutely frightened I really was.

In this moment of awakening, I indeed showed the world who I really am.

Without a safety net or a map to find my way back, I trudged on.

Aimlessly hoping that with every step I would welcome and embrace this new “me.”

But it wasn’t new.

I had just unveiled the me I have always been.

And on that day, I knew I could never go back to who I once was…

The woman who hid her heart for years behind a stone wall had now become the woman who didn’t know how to hide anymore.

So, you will see my heart.

In it, you see not just every thing I am, but everything I was ever born to be.

“There comes a day when the risk to be held tightly in a bud is more painful than the risk to bloom.” – Anais Nin

Michelle A. Homme 2017 ©