There are very few moments that occur when I am not thinking.  About something.  Or someone.  Sometimes, I consider it a burden.  Never being able to sit and relax, watch some meaningless TV, and chill.  For the most of my days when I am awake, I am thinking.  Maybe it is planning a big family event that is coming up in the next few months — better get started on those scrapbooks, huh?  Perhaps, it is a different way to look at something that has troubled me for some time.  Even knowing that making every attempt to live this life well and to give my best to everyone I meet requires me to figure out how…taking another step (maybe just in a different direction)…reaching out to someone because they can help me…giving more to others that are in need…finding a way to make it work.  I feel momentum taking me in directions I have long wanted to go but never knew how to get there.  Even now, I still do not know what lay beyond that first step and yet I know I must make it.  And many more first steps just like it.  My mind is taking steps to get me where I need to go.  I read a book that once said, “If you figure out the what, the how will follow.”  I know what the “what” is and the planner aka Mr. Spock in me is always looking for the way for me to get there.  Isn’t this true of any question we have?  How will I take care of my husband who has suffered a life changing medical condition?  How will I afford another baby when I already have five to feed?  How will I create something out of nothing?  When you are in it, you just do it.  You don’t know how but somehow it works.  Maybe not like you thought it would or should.  Are you a thinker too?  Does your mind ever stop?  I wake up in the middle of the night and send myself a text or email because my brain decided to do some thinking while I thought it should have been dreaming.  But the mind cannot be silenced just by itself…it has to have help.  The mind is busy because the soul is busy too.  What do you think about?  What is your soul saying to you?  Ignoring it doesn’t help, does it?  I keep thinking there is more to do, more to say, more to write.  Not because of a measurable need, but because I don’t want to miss anything.  I don’t want to quit.  I don’t want to stop living.  I don’t want to be silenced any more.  I have a voice.  I have a chance to make a difference.  And so do you.  It is happening already, don’t you know?  Because your mind is now going too.  (You are welcome.) But on any given day, most likely, I am just sitting here, “Wonderin” by Toby Mac

Michelle A. Homme 2014 ©