There are not many things that are more complicated, more enduring, or makes us feel more vulnerable than when our heart comes into play. We protect it behind very high walls and pretend our heart is not fragile. We put our feelings aside and tell ourselves that we don’t feel what we feel. It doesn’t matter what language you speak or where you live. The amount of money you have in your bank account or what brand is on your clothing does not exclude you from having feelings. When you lose someone you love, we all feel grief. When our team scores the winning goal or beats the buzzer with a 3-pointer, we leap for joy. We celebrate new jobs and the birth of babies create such happiness that does not need a translator. But when our head tries to tell us something that is the opposite of what our heart feels, we are confused. We try to make sense of logic and reason knowing that feelings are neither. For a LONG time, I kept my heart pretty well hidden. Not that I didn’t give to others or love others, but not the way that I should have. Not the way I do now. We have all had moments when we gave our hearts away and they never were returned to us. They were lost or forgotten to never be heard from again. But maybe some hearts aren’t lost or forgotten. Maybe they are just unsure (and therefore extra careful) of how to get back to us. Those hearts are afraid to come back to us – in fear of rejection, pride, or an even bigger fear. That the heart being given will be broken wide open and that would be just too much to bear. Some hearts need a little time to work themselves out and when the time is right, they meet up again and it is as if no time had ever passed between them. But giving away your heart may come at a great cost as you may never ever receive a heart in return. And then what do you do? Do you let your feelings just slip away and negate them every time you heart stirs those familiar notions, covering them up with other obligations and daily tasks? Or do you take a chance and let things play out, exposing it all, knowing that you will have risked everything? I have found myself trying to exile my feelings and most days I do pretty well. Then, without warning a reminder presents itself and everything comes flooding back. I ask myself questions about what I believe to be true in my heart versus what the truth my head keeps telling me. And I am even more confused. Part of me wishes that I could just put the walls back up again and pretend that the feelings aren’t there. But I know better. But maybe the bigger question is whether it matters. Believe in what you feel because chances are your head is wrong. Because you should always follow your heart. Don’t you think it’s time — “Love Can Build a Bridge” by The Judds
Michelle A. Homme 2013 ©
