Today was a good day, and some things happened as I did not expect them to either. It was great to get out and run this morning. I thought it would be more difficult than it was, which made it more enjoyable. There were some slick spots at some intersections, but I was not the only one out at 5am. I know, you are just thinking to yourselves that there are more crazy people out there. Then, I sent two texts to the friend that I had mentioned in previous blogs. The first one said, “I’m still here and I miss you.” Then, someone else comes to my office and asks me if I have heard from her and I reply, “no”. I start thinking over the lunch hour that maybe I am not “hearing” what she is trying to tell me. Maybe she is walking away and I just need her to say it. I doubted and was letting my head win over my heart, but I sent another text, telling her that I am grateful for her and that I would always remember her. A few hours later, the unexpected happened. She showed up at my office, unannounced. I knew it was not going to be good, because she shut my door as she walked in as I was finishing up on a call. I didn’t know what to feel or what to say. I didn’t know if she would want to talk first, so I just let her say what she needed to say. Over the last few days, I have been practicing living my life without her in it, because essentially she wasn’t. I didn’t know how to let her know that I cared and I didn’t know if she even read what I wrote in the text. She apologized and hopes she can make it up to me. There is nothing to make up. My heart told me that she would find her way back, but I did not know when that would be and that was the hardest part – waiting for her to choose, one way or another. I still am reeling from her just showing up today – I had played out in my head what would happen when I saw her or talked to her next, but I was not prepared for it today. Since she sent that message to me via Facebook over a week ago, I have been trying to move on and wait for her to come to me. Since I get my Facebook messages on my phone, I have tried to delete the messages that we traded that night. It wouldn’t let me. It was a reminder that I knew was there, but didn’t want to see every time I looked at my phone. It reminded me how much I missed her and still wanted to communicate with her and be a part of her life. I gave her a big hug and told her that I loved her before she left my office. I am not sure where she will go from here, but I hope she knows that I forgive her and am here for her. Always will be.
Michelle Homme 2011 ©